Saturday, March 19, 2005

When Animals crap: Animated and Live Action

It’s 11:48pm and I’m bored. Sure I can flip through the many articles I clipped to read or I can read one of the five books I have on my nightstand but instead, I’m here on my laptop.

I started out flipping the channels. I gave up on finding anything interesting and decided to flip to old faithful, TCM. Arsenic and Old Lace is always on. Anyway, right now I’m watching Famous Movie Dogs, one of the short ‘One Reel Wonders’. That’s entertainment, folks.

The reason I decided to pop by was my toilet paper. I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth. Since I’m heading to the drugstore tomorrow, I did a quick review of what I need to pick up for the bathroom. That’s when I eyed the toilet paper. See, I can’t just buy any old tp. I need to buy the It-can-withstand-a-bear’s-ass tp. I’m not the only one with toilet paper particulars.

The need to buy toilet paper made me think of the annoying Charmin commercials that permeate the air. I don’t know what’s more annoying, the male singer’s voice or the bear cha-cha-ing his ass on my television set. At this point, I must disclaim that I occasionally do the cha-cha when I see the commercial. I only do it to annoy Lrudlrick who dislikes this commercial as well. As with everything that happens in the bathroom, one thing leads to another. [On a totally unrelated note: You must add The Fixx’s song to your playlist for any racing game.]

Going back, so here is a brief list of commercials I loathe and love. Disclaimer: I am a complete DVR addict so I rarely see commercials, so 1) there aren’t many on my list and 2) they’re probably really old.

  • Nextel’s rappers in a studio

  • Forgive me as I show my age but I’m not sure if these guys are actual rappers. That’s not the annoying part. The annoying part is the ‘beep’. See, I have a Nextel and although I love the direct connect functionality, I hate that everyone in my office can recognize that someone is direct connecting me because of the darn ‘beep’. Then there is the catchiness factor. I don’t know a single sentence but I find myself humming it randomly. I’ll even throw in a “southside, eastside, worldwide.”

  • Geico’s Tiny House

  • I’m the first to admit I love the Geico guy. Not the gecko but the blonde guy who reads viewer mail and goes around telling bad jokes and bedtime stories. The rest of the Geico commercials I can live without. However, Lrudlrick loves the ‘Tiny House’ ad. He loves it when the wife says, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” He laughs a hearty, face-turning-red type of laugh. Ok, all of Lrudlrick’s laughs are face-turning-red laughs. That’s what happens when your 96 US / 108+ Euro Bright.

  • Father jumps down flight of stairs for video game

  • I don’t know the company this ad is for nor do I recall the name of the video game. However, the image of a 40+ man jumping down a flight of steps to beat his teenage sons from getting to the new game seemed very Lrudlrick.

  • Gap’s SJP ‘I Enjoy Being a Girl’

  • Damn you Sarah for ruining a Peggy Lee favorite of mine. When I first heard the commercial I smiled at the 50’s reference then I looked up and saw you and your trenchcoat. Your speak-sing rendition killed the thrill. It’s not that I hate you. Just stick with your Manolo’s and stop fashioning up my Gap standards. It’s bad enough I pay $60-70 for a pair of jeans. I don’t need your salary for a commercial to further inflate the price.

  • TemperPedic beds

  • We tried one of those beds when we were mattress hunting. It’s like sleeping in a coffin made of packing foam. The commercial starts with an annoying alarm and a woman groggily hitting the snooze. “Do you find yourself hitting the snooze?” Hells yes. Name one person that pops out of bed during the first alarm buzzard and skips to the bathroom. The day I skip to the bathroom is the day I go all William Foster.

  • The NYC2012 commercial

  • At first, I didn’t mind it. I thought it was cute. Now, every morning b/w my ‘In the Papers’ and ‘Weather on the 1s’ I have to hear the Olympic theme in multiple musical genres. No wonder NY-ers have low enthusiasm for the Olympic bid.

    That’s it for now. It’s late and time for the dogs to leave their secret messages for other dogs. Cha Cha Cha.