Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Is anyone home?

After a long discussion with my brother, we agreed that I need to be the big person and open dialogue with my mother. We also agreed my mother has a double standard when it comes to me and him. So I'm going to suck it up and call my mother. Now, I hate to say this but things have been peachy since I imposed the no contact rule. Frustration and anger have been at all time lows in my life. I know that waiting for my step-dad to join the bandwagon is unrealistic.

So, I'm going to call my mom. I won't go into the issues just yet. I'm going to just play it casual with her and get off the phone before the blood pressure rises. My brother promised to be home for her tonight. We guarantee she'll pose some questions to him. She won't go into detail but she'll ask. Wish me luck…………….

No answer. Isn't that always the case. I called my brother who said that she should be home. He suggests I call my stepdad to let him know I'm calling. I swear this is the most retarded thing I've every heard of. In order to call my mother, I need to brace my family members that I plan to call so they can walk on eggshells for 3 weeks because of the onslaught that will ensue. It's bloody ridiculous.

I'll try again in 30 minutes. I forgot how ridiculous it was to try to get a hold of my mother. It's not like she has three million ways to get a hold of her. There is one way, the phone. However, she either doesn't hear the phone or feels she's not in the mood to talk to anyone who isn't in her la-la land. She'd get upset I didn't call her. Meanwhile you spend three days trying to grab a hold of her and when you do get a hold of her it's like talking to a mime, on the phone.

Today is Wednesday. This is my second day attempting to reach my mother. Since it's Wednesday and her husband is off of work, I'm going to assume she's out of the house. I'll give her a buzz in the early evening.

This is incredibly ridiculous. Folks, do you see the agita I get and I'm not evening conversing with her yet. I have to suck it up and be the bigger person and I'm getting the acid reflux for it.

Lrudlrick has completely washed his hands of the lunacy. He sees that I've been a happy camper for quite some time. My health is good. I'm smiling more. He's just afraid I'll wind up pissy again because I've decided to try to open dialogue with her. He was the first against closing the door on my mother. He said no matter what, I needed to keep it open for my own sanity. However, since I've stopped communications, he's noticed the opposite effect.

Most people would probably feel guilty but I haven't. The only one I feel for is my brother. I told him if mom is not confronted, it's going to make his life a living hell when he decides to settle down with someone. Without mediation, this is going to fester.

I got a hold of my stepdad. He asked who I was and said he didn't know who I was. After three mentions and a description, 'daughter', he asked me why I was trying to call her. He then told me to call her at night around 5 or 6 o’clock.

Folks, I hate this. I really hate this.

First calls made at 5pm. No answer.

It’s not 7pm and I have to head to a meeting. I’ve tried calling the time he suggested. No answer. Is this a fruitless cause?