Why do people send you photos of their kids? It’s to continue the circle of life. They don’t send you the photo of the kid screaming or crying or spitting up. They don’t send you the photo of them crying, pleading, screaming or just looking haggard. They send you the cute one. They send you the picture before the melee, the picture where the outfit has yet been soiled. The kid is sitting upright and looking at the camera with the inquisitive look of an empty brain seeking something to do.
My cousin had her first kid 6 months ago and ever since, I’ve received reams of photos. The latest set includes bathtime fun, holiday with Santa and her propped up next to a stuffed Monkey. This is the 6 month old set of photos, the time when the kid begins to look like a dumpy human being not a massive pile of goo. She’s cooing and flirting and smiling and it just makes my womb ache. Frickin’ procreation people.
I sent one of the 40 to my husband to try to explain the womb thing and his response was, “Big headed baby makes your womb ache? I don’t get it.” That’s right. Men don’t get it. Men see baby and think, “Hey, that things going to ruin one of the most prized possessions a woman has.” Women look at baby and see gooey, sweet-smelling love in a tiny package. Hence my husband’s response had “big headed” and my girlfriend’s response had “adorable” and “cute”.
Childless couples live happy existences. We're living our life. We're going to the movies, eating out, buying the newest gadget. We're living our life without a the stress of dependents. [Dogs and cats are dependents to many couples. True dogs and cats need the basics in life but for the most part, we're not pulling out second mortgages to finance their higher education.] Then along comes the couple with a kid and they want you to join in on the fun. "When are you having kids?" My current response to those seeking a timeline for babydom includes the likes of Ed McMahon or Yolanda Vega announcing my end to financial burdens.
For the last few weeks I've been thinking about a life with or without children and bam, my uncle sends me 40 photos of the most adorable baby this side of the Mississipi. I swear kid people know when kidless people are at their weakest.