Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Jingling and Hacking up Loogies

I’ve been suffering from a new kind of ill. A cold so vile, I spent 5 days in bed. 5 days of coughing, sneezing, wheezing, expectorating, sweating, and shivering. It all started on Christmas Eve.
All cookies were baked, packaged and mailed. All presents were wrapped. All I needed was a nice winter’s nap but alas it was Christmas and the Christmas tour bus was waiting. First stop, our cousins. I’m not sure if it was the jovial times or the liquor but all seemed fine. Then as I got to the car to drive home, I felt it. That tickle in the back of your throat that says, “Ha Ha Ha! I have landed and will now invade the rest of your body!” Ok, that just sounded a bit too kinky.

Anywho, I got home and tradition at our home is to groggily open our Christmas gifts. I got my Cuisinart. Yes, it’s a bit gender-typical but heck, that’s what I wanted. Actually, it was better than the one I wanted. I wanted the 7 cup. I got an 11 cup Cuisinart. As soon as I’m back to 100%, that baby is getting used! I also got some really cool pj’s which I proceeded to spend 5 days in while sick in bed. {Don’t tell me that I am disgusting. We’ve all been so sick, we couldn’t do anything but lie in bed. Although, by day three, P-diggy refused to stay in the bedroom with me.}

We went to bed and on Christmas morning, I had no energy to neither clean the house nor start my smurf trek to Staten Island. Hubby went solo so I could rest and tidy up. After a mishap with the self-clean option on the oven, I finally got the roast in by 4pm. NOTE TO ALL ROAST COOKERS: A 4 bone in roast weighing shy of 11 pounds takes a heck of a long time to cook. I allotted myself 4 hours of cooking time. At 6 my family arrived, one hour early. I quickly popped in some hor's doeuvres and they were eaten before I got to sit on the couch and mingle. 2 hours and an elf movie later I’m totally freaking that my roast has not hit its magic mark. I up the temp up and finally ate at 9.

A bottle of wine and dessert passed through my body before the tickle began the rumble to the throat. I felt my throat tighten just as I was waving goodbyes to my family.

By Sunday morning, I was on my back in bed and not in the good way.

I have learned some things while in bed:

1. There is nothing good on during the day. Nothing. I spent most of my time watching infomercials and Law and Order. Ok, Law and Order is entertaining but by the fourth hour of Law and Order, I wanted to go out and shoot someone. The show is always on. If you’re bored with Law and Order, you can flip the channel and watch Law and Order: SVU. Oh, and DO NOT try to watch Criminal Intent hopped up on Nyquil. I almost had an aneurysm trying to keep up.

2. DO NOT try to read a book while hopped up on Dayquil. I think I read the same two sentences within a three hour time span.

3. Infomercials suck you in. By the fourth day, I really wanted a colander and two plastic bowls to make fish sticks. It comes with a knife and spatula.

4. Dogs don’t care if you are dying they want to sniff every tree, grill, hydrant and rock. My lung was practically on the floor three feet behind me before my dog took a shit. Mind you this is the same dog that refused to be in the bedroom with me during my illness.

5. If I was still a smoker, I’d be dead. OMG, the worst thing about this illness is the 4am hacking session that I endure until the sun comes up. It starts with a rolling cough which progressively turns into a session of coughing and expectorating (of nothing substantial, btw). These bouts I swear are giving me petechiae.