Monday, November 29, 2004

Love. Acceptance. Mom. Biology

I sometimes feel like I'm the older sister to my mother. I won't go into the sordid history but she does things that are so impulsive and without consideration to the fact that she's a grown woman with responsibilities.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm in any shape or form, sisterly to her. We're not
running out to the Macy's Wednesday sales or getting facials together. Heck, my
brother probably does that more with my mom than I. There are times where I
feel that because she married so young and lived a rather sheltered and pampered
life, she still needs to be sheltered and pampered. Not that it's healthier for
her to be this way; it's just that reality would probably hurt her. Therefore
you see many people who love her sheltering her. [Ok, to those who say I was
pampered to. I'm not disagreeing but that's for another day's rant.]

Now my mom's a tough cookie but she's like an M&M. She's got a hard shell but a
soft center. She gets hurt easily and takes things way too personal.

Her latest lunacy is going to China or Hong Kong. I don't know which one. Her
In-laws, whom she just finished visiting, are planning a trip to the Far East.
She wants to go. Forget that she's not retired like they are. Forget that
she's still recuperating. Forget that she's on a fixed budget.
Forget that her husband probably cannot go since he's still awaiting his
immigration status.

It kind of reminds me of when she used to fly away. She frequently left NYC
towards the last years of my dad's life. It was as if she couldn't deal with
what was going on and just wanted to escape. I once asked
my dad why if it hurt him so much for her to runaway he allowed her to
go off. He said that it was the only way he knew how to make her happy.
Listening to one to many U2 records, he allowed her to leave in the hopes she'd
find her way home to him.

Mom's now frantically calling me for passport forms. I'm not storybook with my
mom but when she needs me I'm there. I try my best to appease her crazy Lucy
schemes even if I feel they are hair-brained. Yes, I do love her but I cannot
shelter. Even if I question her, she'll give me some explanation she has put thought
into to make it seem logical. (ie. Grandpa's real estate property)

What's scary is that I see parts of grandma in my mom which only leads me to believe
that the lunacy maybe partly hereditary. My only hope now is that it degenerates as
it hits the younger generations.