Saturday, May 15, 2004

Why the gallopping gourmet drank...

My hubby told his family to arrive at 3pm.


The house is a mess. I just finished buying the groceries and my husband has turned all the power off so he can install a new light switch in all places, the

At the grocery store, my husband, who promised to help me shop for his family's dinner, leaves me for home depot. He conveniently returns just as I
make my way to checkout. As I desperately reach over the cart to unload the goods onto the conveyor, my darling hubby stands holding the cart handle and
smiles at me.

"You can help, you know."

"You have a system. I don't rock the system."

As I begin mascerating the strawberries, hubby turns all the power off and begins changing the light switch.

"You know that the dishwasher was on, right?"

"What did you want me to do? Wait for the dishwasher to finish?"

"Well, is changing the light switch before your dad gets here imperative?"


Hubby continues to change the switchplate while I continue to hull strawberries in the dark.

I begin making the spinach dip.

Hubby: "Where do you think this should go?"

Hubby pulls out our giant box of paintings and pictures and begins unpacking it.

pg: "I don't think we have time for that."

H: "Whenever I see that, I think, bathroom"

Obviously, my husband was unaware the noises coming from my mouth were directed at him. Perhaps, I was talking to the onion I was chopping. He
continues to rummage through our boxes.

After 10 minutes he comes in with a giant Yankees poster with souvenir pins for the World Series he and my brother went to.

H: "Where should this go?"

pg: "Nothing is in it's frames yet. And we still need to discuss arrangement on the wall. I really think this will take more than 2 hours."

H: "Why didn't you say so in the first place. Instead you had me going through these boxes and wasting time. Just tell me what you want me to do."

pg: "I did tell you. You promised me you would sweep, mop, vacuum and put up the air conditioner. You also promised to help me cook."

H: "Well, I can't put up the ac and you told me to clean the boxes up."

pg: "Yes, as in, hide away. Obviously this is ridiculous. I can't deal with this. I think I need to leave and let you take care of your dinner."

H: "Don't leave. Everytime I disagree you are going to leave? Just calm down."

pg: "I am calm." [for a person that was just told dinner should be ready by 3pm. for a person that hasn't showered, let alone ate breakfast. for a person that is
cooking in the dark.] Those were just thoughts in my head.

Seriously, I really contemplated and still am contemplating letting him cook the damn dinner. That's why I'm here instead of the kitchen preparing the
sabayon. His family is arriving in 4 hours and I have no desire to cook for them. I don't even want to be around them right now. I want to be out at the
park lying in the grass or playing with the dogs. The day is beautiful and I'm slaving in a kitchen for him and all I get from him is, "Tell me what you want
me to do." You're 34. Figure it out, Einstein.

Because of his laziness, I missed a friend's opera last night. He's oblivious to the work entailed in cooking for his finicky family. He thinks because I
enjoy cooking that cooking for them is something I'd love to.

He just came in to ask me why I'm chilling the bedroom. Less than 3 hours to go.

BTW, we bought his sister an ello city set to play with while she's here. And I bet $20 that they don't even crack that thing open. Since I've known her
(since she was 1, every toy and clothing item we've bought for her cannot be found in the house. My gut feeling is they return all the necklace kits and
friendship bracelets and toys we buy her. I also bet $10 that she's not allowed to go to the bathroom without her mother.