Thursday, May 20, 2004

Food on the brain.

I’m excited to see Shrek 2. I’m more excited about making my dan tots. I made
the first batch this morning. The custard is fabulous. The crust, not so much.
It’s just not light enough.

I would love these egg custards to have a super light, flaky crust. The only
way I know how is by using puff pastry. The crust is simply shortening, sugar
and flour. Should I use lard instead of shortening? I may just resign myself to
using puff pastry.

I'm glad I did a dry run this morning. I brought them in for advise from my
co-worker, aka the stomach. He needs to be a judge on Iron Chef. He also has an
incredible metabolism. I once saw him eat a Wendy's burger for lunch and an hour
later scarf down two Mac Jr's from McDonalds.

So tonight, I'm prepared to experiment and try this dan tot thing with puff
pastry. While I'm at it, I guess I'll make a stromboli for dinner.

I started asking myself why I’m obsessed with feeding people. Seriously, it’s
an obsession. If I'm not thinking about the next meal, I'm preparing it. My
brother thinks it’s nesting. My hubby thinks it’s me wanting him fat. [He
swears, we're going to have fat babies.] I used to think it was because my
mother wasn’t a cook. But now, I think there is something more to it. There has
to be something that I’m satisfying through cooking. Why else would I get such a
high cooking?

My only guess is that I am lacking a challenge at work. I’m unchallenged at
work so I try to find it elsewhere. Now with cooking, it’s a project but a small
scale project. It can be completed rather timely. Maybe I’m holding out for that
next big project at work that will stimulate me. But in the meantime, I pacify
my desire for stimulation by trying new things in the kitchen.

And by challenging myself to produce tasty meals for guests, I’m getting that
gratification and praise I’m alluded at work. Don’t get me wrong, I am
acknowledged for my work. But lately, I’ve felt my skills are being squandered.
Yes, accolades are nice. Everyone wants them. But my stagnation at this
organization is ridiculous. When I have past clients coming up to me asking me
how I’m doing and why haven’t I been promoted yet, I know something is not

Now I’ve always loved cooking but it’s just gotten more serious as of late.
Do I want to make it a career? No. I cook for family and friends. I cook for
those who I love.

I’m not going to question it anymore. It makes me happy and I’m going to
leave it at that.