Monday, May 03, 2004

Dear Mr. Laundry Gnome, I want my two dollars.

So everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

But it wasn't anything to cry about. It was more of a cosmic, planets-not-aligned right thing.

First, I woke up early and decided to take a nice soothing bath, then a quick shower to start the day right. I got caught up on checking my work email that I
overflowed my bathroom.

My squeaky clean (just cleaned last night) bath rugs and towels were soaking wet. All I could think of was upsetting my neighbors with water damage and
quickly dryed the bathroom. Total damage: 6 towels and two bath mats, bright red. [My husband demanded a red bathroom and after several discussions, we
agreed upon red accessories instead of a red painted bathroom. Could you imagine being sick to the gills and having to stare at a bright red bathroom with navy
blue tiles!]

By this time, I'm not longer running early but running late. I quickly wring out the towels and rugs and throw them in a gigantic painter's bucket. Take a
shower and run to work.

That evening, Hubby calls me to tell me he's heading home. He's sick. He's not feeling good. I ask him what the symptoms are and he tells me, "My head
hurts." So I tell him I'll make his favorite chicken soup when I get home.

I come home arms filled with groceries for the chicken soup. I find my hubby red as a beet wrapped like a sausage in our comforter. "What are you doing all
wrapped up like that? You look like you have a fever. You do!" Since he only complains of a fever, I give him ibruprofen and wait to see what this develops
into. I spend the rest of the evening making as little noise as possible to allow him to rest. My plans to clean the house and prepare my menu for his
father's dinner are halted.

I however, do have a bucket full of wet towels from that morning's incident I need to put in the washer. So I haul this heavy cargo to the basement and fill
up two washers. Pour in the detergent and put the quarters in. First machine, starts perfectly. Second machine, eats up a quarter and then nothing. I'm bang
on the side a few times and decide it's not worth it.

So I now have to transfer this sopping, detergent filled pile of towels to the next washer. Set the quarters in and it works.

30 mins later, I head downstairs. Machine one is done. Machine two has eaten all my quarters but left my clothes soaking in a grey solution which I can only
surmise to be the first cycle. I put in another $1.50 and sit in the laundry froom for 20 mins just to make sure the laundry gnomes don't play with my washer

I put my clothes in the dryer and place my quarters in. The damn dryer ate my quarters. Unphased I pile my laundry into one massive lump in the last remaining
dryer and cycle it for an hour.

Those began my weekend of cosmic mis-alignment.

In total I count:

1 tub overflowing

1 washer eating my quarters

1 dryer eating my quarters

3 glasses of water spilling on my new rug

1 head running into a richoceting door (Long story involving our pantry and the front door)

6 trips to the pharmacy

4 band-aids

1 broken faucet knob

1 mishap with the dishwasher not fully closed during a cycle

1 112 year old cashier who charged my credit card $220.00 for some groceries (it was actually $22.00)

I did finally get that bath I had been meaning to take when this whole thing started. I finally took it Saturday evening. While I was being "taken away" [If
you don't know the reference, please don't make me feel old and ask.], the ceramic faucet knob broke into four pieces in my hand slicing my thumb, right at
the joint. Naked, bleeding and head full of shampoo. Life is good.

NOTE: After a friend read it, she reminded me that I indeed lost $2.00 and not $.75 since I had to re-do the first load after the first $.50 were eaten.
Hence the title change.